“Does God exist?
Or is God a beautiful idea?”
I laugh

“You have to choose one.”
He says.

I am a Jew
and can hold both in creative tension.
He laughs,
“You are almost back to yourself again.”

Not quite.
Just almost.


For a reasonable person
has to choose one
of these?

Only one can be true.

If God exists
I have to let go of the idea
that God is a beautiful idea;

that God is a fanciful idea
unrelated to reality
I have to accept;

if God is a fanciful idea
then God exists
I have to release to the ether…

In my mind
In my heart
In my soul
God Exists.

This then is my true answer.

Suggesting that God is a beautiful idea
I must now part ways with;

That God is an idea
is what I am sending into the ether
for transformation into

God is

revealed in Torah
to the children of Jacob;
revealed in nature
to everyone

God is
religion into Oneness elevated?
God is
ideology into Unity in Diversity elevated?

I may have become religion-less
replaced religion with mitzvot
that a way of life is growing in me

One small step at a time…

I have spent a great deal of time
unlearning Catholicism
only to discover
its essential purpose:

to bring the code of Noah
to the world of its followers;

to free conversos
to free the descendants of Jewish converts to Catholicism
to free them to revert to the faith of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob

through Rachel?

Elevating Paul,
drawing him up
from the pit into which he fell –

and in this way heal the Benjaminite lineage

bring it into alignment with Source
with Nothing
with Ayin…

I have spent a great deal of time
unlearning Catholicism
only to discover
that healing comes with a change of heart
that leads to a new action;

releasing the relevant information
in the Vatican archives would be a great help;

the burden of feeling lost
the burden of feeling abandoned
the burden of feeling orphaned…

the feeling of madness
the feeling of grief
the feeling of being identity-less


these painful feelings
into soul identity transform;
informed choices
making possible…

that together
we catholics of Jewish descent
we Catholics of non-Jewish descent

may correct the sin of Rome,
draw Esau up
from the pit into which he fell

and in this way heal the relationship
between Catholics and Israel

move ourselves into alignment
with Adonai-Elohim
with Allah

Our Father
Our King.

I have spent a great deal of time
unlearning Catholicism
only to discover
that it has a significant role to play in the redemption:

to bring the Noahide+++ Code
to the world of its followers;

to correct itself
in relation to Judaism
by releasing Jesus from the cross
on which it still hangs him

to correct itself
in relation to Jesus
by re-examining its theology
which is based on the Resurrection
not the crucifixion;

its Judaism-mimicry
with humility

for it seems to me
that ‘indissolubility of marriage’
has been transformed
through canon law updating
and mercifully applying.

It is the trinity
that requires more prayerful discernment;
all the attempts to correct it
have been philosophical

which is as it should be
for the Doctrine of the Trinity
is a Greek philosophical concept;

it is not in Torah revealed.

Nor in Nevi’im,
the books of the Prophets.

To come into the fold of Abraham
circumcision of males is mandatory;
to come into the fold of Isaac and Jacob
is unnecessary

for God made 70 nations
and to all of them
he gave a Godly purpose

Good he made them
Good he declared them

for this reason
Judaism is a non-proselytizing
Indigenous Knowledge System

the divine spark is in each person
at birth hidden;

this light shines in every human
when compassion being;
this light in every human is dimmed
when othering the ‘Thou’ in nature.

This then is the purpose
of every child of Jacob:
to know that God is awesome
to know that God is lovingkindness

to know that God is the divine wrestler

and therefore, to learn
how to behave
in every situation

with the right measure
of justice
and mercy

is a divine skill.

And when,
like an orchestra,
those of us who Israelite souls are;

children of Jeshurun
ourselves know
justice into mercy will be transformed –

into compassion
as a holy nation

a domino effect this will create –
disharmony swallowing up;

(This is a Benjaminite image
for ravenous for spiritual riches
we are known

wolf totems
into alignment
with the inclination for the good

The Benjaminites
have caused more confusion
than any other tribe
in the history of our people;

Is it possible
that Netanyahu is a Benjaminite?
And Bennett?

And the founder of Zionism?
And the founder of Marxism?
And the founder of modern Psychology?

And the founder of modern Kabbalah?

Might some confuse us with the eruv rav?
Might we the eruv rav be?

And if so, is this the time for atonement?
For teshuva?
For returning to the faith of our patriarchs
and matriarchs?)

anger-rage into soul identity transform;
informed choices
making possible…

That we may elevate Paul,
remove the thorns
in his side

draw him up
from the pit into which he fell
and in this way heal the Benjaminite lineage

bring it into alignment with Adonai-Elohim,
Our Father
Our King

bring it into service of David’s line

for God is
revealed in Christianity
through the children of Jacob;

God is
revealed in Islam
through Abraham

through Ismael
whose children forgot
and in paganism became steeped

until a descendant arose in Saudi Arabia
and through contact with the children of Jacob

that Allah exists
that Allah is One
that Allah is the Merciful One;

is this then a foundation
for interfaith action?


If so, that’s only three attributes
and it is four I am looking for
to ground this concept…

What might the fourth one be?
That God remains Unknown?

And a fifth has just presented itself.
He has just rung the doorbell
which I am ignoring

in filthy green pants
he came around long after the moon had risen;
it was raining
and his blanket was wet

would I please give him another one?

I don’t have one to give you,
I lied.

He came back yesterday
at midmorning
while a neighbour and I were chatting
in the middle of the street

wanting to know if another neighbour was home.

Ring the doorbell,
we said.
The neighbour was out
so, he turned to us again

and before he could speak
I told him to try the Anglican Church in Norwood
because the Catholic Church in Maryvale
seems to have given up on its mission…

Still, it bothers me
both that he is insisting that our street
take care of his needs

that he has given up
the steps of buildings on Louis Botha
that offered him some shelter

he has chosen to sleep outside a house
that offers him only a clear view of the moon
and the stars;

it concerns me
that there is still no shelter
for the homeless in our area
for people like him;

I would much rather ensure he gets a blanket
through an organization
set up for that purpose –

even though an adult,
like an orphan he presents himself,
he wants me to become his foster mother
and I refuse to take on that role for him

and resentment wells up in me
against the drug lords
who put food on their tables,
at the expense of our young people

who litter our streets…

My ugliness
is showing me her face;

I got up full of self-pity
after reading King David’s 150 Psalms
well into the night

doing my best to be holy,
Holier than thou –
was overwhelmed by the Messiah-ancestor’s
ability to be authentic;

with him
authenticity aligned with integrity
integrity with humility
humility with love of his Creator

which my own authenticity awakened

without any of his qualities
for my throat was sore
from praying those psalms out loud

and my lovely warm duvet
caused me to perspire
so that I woke up soaking wet
wondering if I had COVID.

Such a small world
I have created for myself;
Such a mean world
I have projected outwards

onto this young man who refuses to grow up
onto this young man who needs help to grow up
onto this young man who is self-destructive –

a mirror for me this morning
of my hardness of heart
which God would like me to soften.

Yet how am I to do so?

How does giving him a blanket help him?
How does it help me?
How does it make the world a better place?

It would have been elementary
if religion I still had
yet now that religion-free I have made myself
on ideas I am reliant

between all the ideas

between all the ideologies
doing the rounds
which ones shall I choose?

My mind knows that the problem is systemic
requiring an eco-social solution;

My heart knows that the challenge
is a balancing act
between kindness and security
and I have chosen self-protection.

My soul knows that the challenge is a personal one
that he has chosen to come to my door

and again
for a reason

I know I have to get a blanket to him somehow
while simultaneously getting him off our street

or better still,
off the streets
and into a livelihood that gives him dignity.

Yet does he want it?
Is he capable of learning enough to see to his own needs?

How silly.
Of course, he is.
He has survived thus far.

He has survival skills.
He has the ability to ask for what he needs.
If I fail to assist him
will I be turning him into a thief?

I see that I am resisting
my own path –
have fallen into a pit of self-loathing:

Why is the world so cruel?
Even though I am in it?

It must because I am not alone in it.

If by myself
it would be perfect.
Wouldn’t it?

Why waste my time like this though
when on a loving platter
ideas I have

to apply.
Like a scientist?
For what else is a kabbalist
but a scientist in disguise?

The Noahide Code a divinely revealed science
of living the good life
which excludes,
Do not lie.

being rational,
can accept such a code?

Do not lie
is neither in the Ten Words
nor in the seven laws of Noah

and I have spent so many years
being resentful of being lied to…

Yet what if
it has been excluded from the lists
because it is linked to truth

and God alone knows
what is true
and what is false?

Or that purifying lies belongs to the interior life,
is a spiritual challenge,
is the means of discernment
and thus,

linked to seeking Truth –

linked to self-preservation too
and, therefore,
cannot be mandated.

Or perhaps it is covered
in the last of Noah’s Code:
Have courts of just laws.
And this is the place to start?

Better than insisting that God exists
making it mandatory;

better than insisting
that you are a creative product
of a higher consciousness.


better than insisting
that you are merely energy
held together in a form

that has the potential to channel light
that has the potential to block light
that has the potential to steal light
that has the potential to hide from the light

that has the potential to be light
from Light.

Fragmented thoughts
I thought the above were –
into self-loathing fell…

In order to release painful feelings
always ask for what you want
to arrive gently, gently, gently

and in complete safety –
for toxic fires
is unnecessary.

So here I am
completely Jewish
in my soul identity.

Yet in my mind,
a third class one,
because of the sins of my fathers

a daughter of Rachel
instead of a daughter of Sarah
instead of a daughter of a Jewish mother
or maternal grandmother
who remembered her Jewish name…

before a Beth Din I will not go.
This lesser status I am to accept;
there is a blessing in it
which was revealed to me

during Shavuot
at the Baal Shem Tov shul;

for at the Yizkor point
in the morning service
I discovered that my father
had neither
a Christian nor a Jewish

and improvising
re-named him

And my mother
I renamed Miriam
for this is who ‘Maria’ is
in Jewish families
who forced to convert were?

And all those men called Manuel

a reminder
that God is with us
in every exile?

oh, daughters of Rachel,
it’s time to purify the air
literally and figuratively…

It’s time to learn the code of Noah
that we might teach it
to our sisters
who Christian are…

In exchange for leaving out
the blessing against heretics
in the Amidah?

For who wants to potentially curse themselves?
For who wants to potentially curse their forebears?
For who wants to potentially curse their loved ones?

If a daughter
or son
of Rachel
you are?

The bigger challenge
is how to do this Noahide thing
when learning to be your own type of Israelite
you still are?

A little first class Jewish help
would be a gift I would welcome;

Believe it or not,
there are sons and daughters of David
who can trace themselves back to him…

And there are sons of Aaron
whose surname is Cohen;
and there are sons of Moses,
the ben Levi clans.

And others who are Judahites:
the descendants of Judah.

And oddly enough,
the descendants of Benjamin
which makes emotional sense only

And still others who are Israelites:
the descendants
and Ephraim
and Dan

and from a rational perspective
the descendants
of Benjamin

who are both Judahites
and Israelites;

like Reform Judaism
a bridge
in and out?

A door for freedom of choice to exercise?
A city of refuge for the blemished?
A sacred space for the rationalists

And then there are the other Cohens
and the Samaritan Israelites they lead –
the heretics who the West Bank never left.

And then there are the other Cohens
otherwise known as the Lembe
from Limpopo

And then there are
Jewish souls
with no DNA to show what their souls know
with no idea of how rabbinical Judaism works…

And then there are
wannabe pretenders of God’s chosen nation
Rabbis they call themselves
without putting in any effort…

And what is this chosen nation concept
that is loved
or hated
for no reason?

Imagine that you are part of a family of seventy sons.

The chosen son
is the only child of the only wife;
the rest are sons
of the common father’s concubines

which leads to all sorts of upheavals

unless you remember
that to be a first born son
ain’t that much fun;

more a responsibility
and a duty
than anything else

when you look weak and puny
and no-one wants to follow your lead.

However, this is not Torah.

What the Torah says
is that the descendants of this humble son
became arrogant
all wanted to be the Cohen Gadol

the High Priest…

That’s incorrect –
They forgot who their Father was.

They forgot that Moses was the leader
and made idols
when they feared he went AWOL.

And ultimately they forgot the One.

Except for the descendants of David.
Which is why they lead.

And the rest of us are followers:

regardless of DNA
regardless of diverse oral histories
regardless of soul longings…

The above is for men.

Daughters of Rachel
in all types of exile
I am willing to walk with.

(© Archaela 5781 Tammuz 01, 03, revised and completed on 05)

Sources and Resources





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