Honour your father and mother.
I have discerned,
after much soul-searching,
that reverting to Judaism
is linked to the fifth commandment.
People like me
who ‘know’ that we are Jewish
yet have no proof of Jewish identity
to satisfy any Beth Din
outside rabbinical Judaism remain;
For reverts may not convert.
To convert to Judaism
is to suggest that our forebear’s choice
to choose life on earth
by converting to Catholicism
under threat of expulsion
or death
was without any merit whatsoever…
My sense is that this is true
from an Ashkenazi point of view;
Yet Maimonides disagreed:
A faithful Jew
must flee
from persecution
regardless of the cost.
Yet those
like my forbears
neither fled
nor ultimately retained their Judaism…
They sinned.
They became apostates
forever exiled from the tents of Jacob
Or so it must have seemed…
Yet I have a foremother
whose agony Hashem heard
as she called to Mother Rachel
that her descendants too
be included
amongst those who return.
Did her own weeping
add to that of Rachel’s
for her exiled children?
Making Rachel
the bridge between the converso
and the God of Jacob?
Rachel Imeinu
the one whom our sages say
asked God not to be jealous of idolatry;
Making Rachel,
our matriarch,
mediator between God
and Jewish souls
cut off
from synagogue
and nation?
Yet Judaism does not allow for mediators.
The relationship is one of direct communication with the One.
Hashem alone
may we bow to;
Hashem alone
may we address ourselves to
for there is but one God –
making conversos
and their descendants
idolaters.
Yet there is an element missing here
for reverts may not convert,
only Return.
I have tried to work out
within myself
if it is based on arrogance
or something more profound
or the result of inferiority
in relation
to those Jewish born –
the descendants of those
faithful through anti-Semitism
in all its forms
even at the cost of their lives;
sanctifying the Holy Name of G-d
it is referred to.
Resulting in a lack of self-esteem
within me;
a self-loathing
born of guilt
the guilt of idolatry
the guilt of adultery
the guilt of murder
and in that order
For these I have seen listed
as the three
that cuts the Jewish soul off
from Israel –
from the tents of Jacob.
At some point in the month of Cheshvan
someone mirrored for me
the uselessness of such self-destruction;
So that I decided I’d had enough
that it was time
to transform fear
into confidence
into a channel of G-odliness being
through land use consulting growing
always with an eye
on natural forests protecting
by trees planting
while simultaneously working
through idolatry transforming
into Source connection
moving from eating from the fruit
of the tree of knowledge
to eating from the fruit
of the tree of life
that an upside-down tree of life
I might become.
For the last month at least
I have agonized
I have wept
for my ignorance of how to pray.
I was clear that to Hashem alone
I may pray;
all prayer directed straight to It
I must direct
All mediators leave behind…
No gurus
No priests
No rebbes
No sages
No matriarchs
No patriarchs
No angels
No ancestors
may I call upon –
not even Rachel…
Not even Rachel Imeinu;
not even under the protection
of Michael, the archangel…
Bewildered I became –
lost on choppy waters
with no ability
to rise above them.
Yet this fear of offending Hashem
into confidence I desired to transform
for the alternative
was separation from life
from connection
from warmth
from soul nourishment
I let go of the desire to know Him
as lover
as brother;
accepted that as compassionate Father
was the most healing option
for me
at this time.
Mapped the Jewish “family tree”
as I understood it thus far
and found my place within it:
After Solomon’s Temple was destroyed
the skilled artisans into Babylonia were taken;
there they sat and wept
as they remembered Zion…
Seventy years later
King Cyrus allowed them to return
enabling Ezra and Nehemiah
to build the Second Temple.
Yet some liked Babylon
and stayed on
for two thousand five hundred years.
Then, some say,
in retaliation for the establishment
of Israel in 1948,
they were expelled –
sent back to where they came from…
Yet not all of them left?
They
along with other ‘Arab’ Jewish people
are called Mizrachi
and form part of the modern Sephardic branch
of rabbinical Judaism –
even though Sephardic refers to Jewish people
who originally settled in Spain…
What connects all Sephardim
I have thus far learnt
is the liturgical order of prayer
and an adherence to the teachings of Maimonides.
Within this branch
is what is called Western Sephardim
or Portuguese Judaism
whose liturgy isn’t as kosher as Rabbi Ovadiah
would have liked it…
Which leaves us with Maimonides
as the link
that unites us.
As I understand it
after Spanish Jewish people
were expelled from Spain in 1492
and settled in Portugal
they once again faced a challenge:
Convert
or face the Inquisition –
As far as I can tell
they weren’t given the option
of moving on
for their skills were valued
along with their wealth…
So, convert the majority did.
They decided that ‘Choose Life’
meant
life on the planet;
they were pragmatic –
some held out hope that they could best the enemy
from within.
After all,
from a Jewish perspective
forced conversion
is no conversion at all…
Merely
a context to be navigated
with skill
and consciousness
while secretly practicing whatever mitzvot they could;
Playing for time?
Looking out for fleeing opportunities?
And the Kabbalists amongst them
used the opportunity
to elevate Esau?
While all praying that the Messiah would come,
soon,
in their days?
After a relatively short time
the wealthy snuck into the Netherlands
set up synagogue
and business
in Amsterdam;
the first Reverts
these Portuguese conversos
became
and a refuge
for others reverting
decades after;
the rituals of re-admission
into the Jewish fold
I am unclear on…
Yet not all Portuguese Jews fled to Amsterdam.
The less well to do
made their way to the ‘New World’
of South America
moved as far away from the Inquisition as they could…
For if caught secretly practicing Jewish commandments
on the stake they were burnt
in water they were drowned
or to death tortured.
My forebears
landed in Madeira
where over time Jewish memory
was lost.
Jewish Jesus their embraced;
a fellow Jew with a heavy burden to bear
a fellow Jew with a weeping Jewish mother
they identified with
Rachel Imeinu
in Mother Mary
was lain?
Fully assimilated Catholics we became.
Faithful
active
committed members of our parishes our brand…
Over the last century or so
the descendants of those
who settled in the Americas
began to remember
and to revert
some forming a movement
called Bnei Israel
or Children of Israel.
Logically
I belong with them.
Yet,
I am African
and this makes a difference.
There is another term
Zera Israel,
meaning Seed of Israel
that I am more comfortable with
for it leaves me free
to be open to all forms of Judaism –
to flit from one minhag to another
including the secular
getting a sense of the diversity
with which Hashem
has allowed us to grow into
transforming exiles
into creativity spiritual
into creativity cultural
into creativity secular –
Transforming Sephardic exiles
into light to the nations being?
Transforming Ashkenazic exiles
into light to Israel being?
I feel secure again,
am comforted by knowing
that my own path
is my teshuva
my repentance
my path of return
and from my African shamanic lineage’s perspective,
the InZuza lineage,
is how I ‘upgrade’ my foremothers
and their descendants;
elevate them to
Daughters of Rachel –
Jews who have returned
to the tents of Jacob
through the merit of Rachel Imeinu
through the mediation of Rachel Imeinu
through the intercession of Rachel Imeinu
by keeping Shabbat at home
by keeping kosher
to the best of our ability.
To get to this point of self-understanding
I have learnt that
longing for the construction of the Third Temple
is part of the Birkat Hamazon,
the prayer after eating bread;
that the longing for the Messiah
is deeply embedded in Jewish cellular memory
and in prayers of different kinds
Yet not in me;
I have made peace with this
for I have been guided to understand
that this same desire
finds its place in me
in the longing
for the Shekinah
to envelop me;
or rather
for the Shekinah
to be elevated to Tiferet
within me
and in Jerusalem,
in Israel
and the whole world…
This feminine expression
of the coming of the Messiah
I find more calming
reassuring
as the foreskin of my heart
I remove;
as my home I continue to sanctify
with the help of Ashkenazim
Reform
Chabad
Orthodox
Moving me ever closer
to appreciating
my ancestral minhag
my ancestral customs
and the teshuva
and the tikkun olam that is appropriate
for me
and the healing of my lineages.
This process of correction
and clarity
channeled from the Potter
through a potter
specializing in refining Jewish souls;
channeled from the Gardener
through an upside-down tree of life
that I too may bear fruit wholesome;
channeled from Hashem
through many channels
of compassion
making it possible
for me to resolve the fear of idolatry
as it relates to ancestors calling
into self-knowledge;
it seems that non-Catholics
think Catholics pray to saints
as if to G-d
and this is what confused me.
While some might
I haven’t met any who do
for one of the first prayers
Catholics are taught is:
“Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with you,
blessed are you amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of your womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.”
From a Jewish perspective,
the heresy
in Catholicism
is in the deification of Jesus and Mary
Replacements
of G-dself
is what makes it idolatrous…
This at least is my current understanding.
What a pit I fell into
due to this misunderstanding!
Nonetheless,
it has had sensitized me
to how easy it is to fall into idolatry
making me wary of
gurus
priests
rebbes
sages
matriarchs
patriarchs
angels
ancestors
messiah hopefuls;
May it be G-d’s will
that I transform this fear
into gratitude
for guidance
for obstacles removed
through human channels of It’s Light
through material channels of Light
such as trees
and animals
and ‘coincidences’
and ‘chance events’
that refine me
so that like Rachel Imeinu
I might be useful –
play my part
in earth-conscious business growing
a la Judaism’s Indigenous Knowledge Systems
for yesterday the following I read:
Business Transformation
There is a beast inside. It awaits a human soul to tame it.
Start with meditation and prayer, because that beast inside needs to experience something beyond itself.
But in prayer and meditation you have not yet met that beast on its own ground.
So next, eat your breakfast like a human being is meant to eat—a step higher than the food you consume, raising it up rather than letting it pull you down.
Then, yes, you have met your human beast on its own ground. But not on its own terms. You are still fighting against its desire to be pulled down into its food.
So then go out into the world and provide goods and services of value, and do that with integrity. At this point, the beast says, “You’re on my territory now, and on my terms, Mr. Soul. I’m the one who knows this game.”
Now you can no longer fight against the human beast. You have to work from within it, with all the talents and skills it has. Because if you don’t, you won’t be providing the value for which others are paying. And that is not integrity.
That is why the very first question asked of the soul when it returns from its mission in this world is not “Did you pray?” but “Did you do business with integrity?”
For that is when you truly made your dent in this vicious world.
For this Maimonides
I am to consult;
put away my judgements of philosophy
as less than wholesome
and my resentment
that he turned Jewish practice
into a creed
a la Aristotle…
Relieved I was too
to see once again,
by having it confirmed that
Judaism recognizes intercession,
particularly in the form of prophecy
and through prayers channeled upwards
through holy ancestors
called tzaddikim
As I remembered
being shown again
during Sukkot
when the patriarchs
and other illustrious ancestors
are called to join us in the sukkah
as together we praise Hashem
remember our creatureliness
our connection to those who have
gone before us
And our dependence on the Creator of all…
(©Archaela 5782Cheshvan29; Kislev 1, 3, 5, 10)
Inspiration
Rabbi Dr David Nossel: The Upside-down Tree of Life
Sara Evian: Thursday Shiurim
Sources
Business Transformation: https://www.chabad.org/calendar/view/day.asp?tdate=11/08/2021